Parenting is one of the most challenging roles a person can take on. It requires patience, compassion, and a lot of hard work. As Muslims, we turn to our faith for guidance in all aspects of life, including parenting. In Islam, patience and forgiveness are highly valued qualities that can help parents navigate the ups and downs of raising children.
Patience in Parenting
Patience is an essential quality for any parent. Children are naturally curious, energetic, and sometimes difficult to manage. They test boundaries and push limits as they grow and develop. As parents, it’s important to remember that these behaviours are normal and part of the process.
#1 Allah is with you:
In Islam, patience is considered a virtue that brings many rewards.
Allah (swt) says in Surah Al-Baqarah (2:153):
“O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.”
This verse reminds us that Allah is always with those who exercise patience.
#2 Be in tune with your internal mental state:
Oftentimes, we tend to lose our patience with our children because we are bothered by something else that’s happening in our lives. It could be a discord whit our loved ones, dealing with difficult in-laws, a heated argument with our spouse or being overwhelm with never ending chores and guilt of not speeding enough quality time with our children.
Whatever the trigger maybe, we might end up yelling or screaming at our children instead of addressing our triggers in the first place. When you find yourself losing patience with your child, step back, take a deep breath and see what is triggering you. Address those issues rather than lashing out at your child.
#3 Seek Allah’s help to calm you down through dua.
Remember, there is nothing Allah cannot do, so turn to Him.
Allah says in Surah Baqarah (2:186)
“…and when my servants ask you about Me, then tell them I am near. I answer the call of every believer when they call upon me so let them also answer my call and believe in me so they may find rightful guidance”
#4 Don’t place a burden that is too much to handle
This includes placing too much burden on your child expecting them to act and behave in a certain manner that is way beyond their age or maturity level. This also includes expecting too much of perfectionism and having lofty expectation from yourself as a parent.
Remember, Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear, so cut yourself (and your child) some slack and breathe.
#5 Allah’s help is near:
Remind your heart with positive affirmations that you can do this, and always turn back to Allah for help and guidance.
Allah says in Surah Baqarah (2:214):
“Verily, the help of Allah is (always) near!”
Forgiveness in Parenting
Forgiveness is another essential quality for parents to practice. Children will inevitably make mistakes as they learn and grow. Whether it’s breaking a rule or speaking disrespectfully, children need guidance on how to make things right when they’ve done wrong.
In Islam, forgiveness is highly valued as a means of earning Allah’s mercy and forgiveness in return.
Allah (swt) says in Surah An-Nur (24:22):
“Let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.”
This verse reminds us that by forgiving others’ mistakes, we can earn forgiveness from Allah.
As parents, we should aim to forgive our children when they make mistakes while also holding them accountable for their actions. We should teach them about the importance of seeking forgiveness from others when they’ve done wrong while modeling this behavior ourselves.
Allah says in Surah Al Imran, 3:134:
“Who spend [in the cause of Allah ] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people – and Allah loves the doers of good”
We often tend to be very harsh upon our loved ones when compared to our dealing with strangers.
However, our spouse, children and family members deserve our best akhlaq – one that combines humility, gentleness and kindness.
Ahmad (6255) narrated from ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘As from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) that he said, when he was on the minbar: “Show mercy, and you will be shown mercy; forgive, and Allah will forgive you.” (Classed as sahih by al-Albani in Sahih at-Targhib, 2465)
Parenting requires a great deal of patience and forgiveness. These qualities are highly valued in Islam as means of earning Allah’s mercy and blessings. By practising patience with our children during difficult moments and forgiving them when they make mistakes, we can create an environment where love and understanding thrive. May Allah guide us all on this journey of parenthood! Ameen.